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Showing posts from April, 2010

Pipeline

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There are times when the tsunami hits and you wipe out. Fortunately for me, when that happens, I head to a place not likely to be hit by a tidal wave -- unless, of course, you've seen this movie -- Filthadelphia.
There's something comforting about Philly to Unemps (unemployed masses). When you ride SEPTA, the sight of so many hobos regurgitating their breakfast vodka makes you realize that you're not doing as terribly as you thought. Or the realization that you could have a job on the horse poop removal crew at Independence Mall, bringing a new perspective to crappy jobs. As my dear mother says, count your blessings.

Wipeout

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I had a post for today, but then I lost the funny. I think it's under the sofa. Be back when I find it.

Weekend

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Hanging Ten

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After a day of staring at inane web job application forms, wherein you realize that you've been inside your house staring at a computer screen for ten hours with no discernible result and whining about how your university's academic standards cosmic punk'd you (more on this later), it's time to recharge. Here's a few things to stretch those spunky dendrites: Become well-versed in Internet memes. From Long Cat to Hamster Dance, Charlie and the Unicorn to the fine art of Rickrolling, you'll dazzle potential employers with your vast knowledge of the Intertoobz. Or maybe they'll just think you're just one of those dumb hipsters. In keeping with the above, learn to speak fluent Lolcats. You'll confuse innocent bystanders and most likely alienate your friends. But hey, why use proper English when you can ask your friends to clarify their speech by saying "Lolwut?"Occupy Fivebucks Coffeehouse like Germans in the Sudetenland. Not only will you be a…

Lists

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I'm a list freak. I get this trait from my mother, who makes lists in order to navigate lists. Imagine my glee when I found numerous top-ten lists of things not to say to unemployed friends. After a day filling out endless online job apps (if I have to copy/paste from my resume one more time....), it's a welcome relief. So without further adieu, here's my adapted list, garnered from various corners of the Internet.

10. "Have you gotten a job yet?" (Ad nauseam)
If you're asking this during normal working hours, you have your answer.

9. "I heard about this -insert crappy job here --, but you could totally do it!"
One of the great balancing acts is not only finding a job, but finding a job that will allow you to make enough to live. Unfortunately, in some cases, it's more profitable to stay on unemployment than to get a part-time gig.

8. "You should see a doctor/dentist/chiropractor/pet psychic."
If I had health insurance, I totally would…

Paddling

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In 1,000 years, when anthropologists are sifting through the detritus of early 21st century culture, they will most likely scratch their heads at the knee-jerk reaction of the masses: when the going gets tough, the tough get blogging.I graduated in 2008 with a degree in journalism, which likely means I'll be living in a cardboard box at some point. I had (nearly) full knowledge of this when I graduated, but being a self-avowed word nerd, I continued forward. Fast forward nearly two years, and I've burned through a retail job (laid off due to the economy), wandered through three countries and finally settled with a part-time editorial assistant gig. All the while continuing to look for full-time work. In any field conceivable.
In the last two and a half weeks, I've applied for 15 jobs. Since I've hit this milestone, I decided to immortalize it in the digital hallows of the Intertoobs and provide commentary for the road ahead.