Hanging Ten

After a day of staring at inane web job application forms, wherein you realize that you've been inside your house staring at a computer screen for ten hours with no discernible result and whining about how your university's academic standards cosmic punk'd you (more on this later), it's time to recharge. Here's a few things to stretch those spunky dendrites:
  • Become well-versed in Internet memes. From Long Cat to Hamster Dance, Charlie and the Unicorn to the fine art of Rickrolling, you'll dazzle potential employers with your vast knowledge of the Intertoobz. Or maybe they'll just think you're just one of those dumb hipsters.
  • In keeping with the above, learn to speak fluent Lolcats. You'll confuse innocent bystanders and most likely alienate your friends. But hey, why use proper English when you can ask your friends to clarify their speech by saying "Lolwut?"
  • Occupy Fivebucks Coffeehouse like Germans in the Sudetenland. Not only will you be able to view hipsters in their natural environment ("Crickey, look at this specimen, huddled behind his MacBook with his Ray-Bans and American Apparel V-neck!") but you'll be able to converse intelligently with them if you've followed Point 1.
  • Create playlists for each one of your moods. Play accordingly. I recommend Depeche Mode's "Enjoy the Silence" for a bout of withdrawal, and Bon Jovi's "You Give Love A Bad Name" when rejected from a job. One piece of advice: Don't play Journey, least of all "Don't Stop Believing." Everyone loves Journey. It's a federal law or something.
  • If you're female, grab your best girl friend and head to the most tasteless formal gown shop. Find the fugliest dresses you can, try on and take pictures. For some reason this is therapeutic. Maybe it's knowing that since you're unemployed, you won't be asked to wear that fugly bridesmaid dress (burnt copper with chocolate ruffles!) in your college roommate's wedding.
  • Become a self-proclaimed artiste and only refer to yourself by one name, for example, JeJune. If it sounds French or Swedish, so much the better. Compose atrocious poetry ("I call this Periwinkle Prosaism") and read dramatically at Fivebucks Coffeehouse. The hipsters will love it.
  • Cook odorous concoctions such as anchovy 'n cabbage lasagna and feed them to random people. Claim that it's your great-great-great-grandmother's recipe. 
  • Kick back and learn a new language via Youtube's University section. After you feed people the anchovy 'n cabbage lasagna, they won't know you're taunting them in Serbo-Croatian.

Comments

  1. FaerunnerApril 23, 2010 at 1:53 PM

    There's a Gown Store down here, which always has FUN dresses in the window. I desperately want to go in and try things on, but I haven't anyone to do it with!

    Is there any chance I could kidnap you, drive you down here and keep you for a day of gown-trying-on and home-cooked food (possibly from my very own garden) this summer? I want to hear all about Russia (especially as my sister will be there next month)!

    I think you have my email, or Facebook message me! <3

    ~Dawn

    ReplyDelete

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