I'm a list freak. I get this trait from my mother, who makes lists in order to navigate lists. Imagine my glee when I found numerous top-ten lists of things not to say to unemployed friends. After a day filling out endless online job apps (if I have to copy/paste from my resume one more time....), it's a welcome relief. So without further adieu, here's my adapted list, garnered from various corners of the Internet.
10. "Have you gotten a job yet?" (Ad nauseam)
If you're asking this during normal working hours, you have your answer.
9. "I heard about this -insert crappy job here --, but you could totally do it!"
One of the great balancing acts is not only finding a job, but finding a job that will allow you to make enough to live. Unfortunately, in some cases, it's more profitable to stay on unemployment than to get a part-time gig.
8. "You should see a doctor/dentist/chiropractor/pet psychic."
If I had health insurance, I totally would. As of right now, I can't spare $100 a pop for a sinus infection.
7. "My -insert random extended family member here- was unemployed for -insert time span- and he/she just got a great job!"
Fantastic. He/she probably just beat me out of that job I just applied to.
6. "Have you tried Monster/Careerlink/JustHired?"
Way ahead of you, Internet Guru. Except I got tired of weeding through the bajillion job scams to get to the real jobs.
5. "Now you are free to explore new things!"
Like clinical depression?
4. "You should write a book."
Publishing, like most things old media-related, is on life support. And to get an agent, you need money.
3. "Are you doing okay financially?" (Best asked in front of the unemployed's parents/extended family, or texted from a new I-Phone)
Let me type the answer to you on my diamond-encrusted I-Pad.
2. "Chin up. Something will come through."
As surely as mid-air sewage from a passing aircraft. I know this is well-intended, but it's a cliche of the ilk of funeral condolences.
1. "Just apply for everything!"
This is similar to number 9, but carries the implication that you're not doing enough to help your situation. My response has been to smile and nod politely, mostly because I haven't developed an appropriate snarky response yet.
Adapted from Boisegoodnews.blogspot.com and various (dying) print media outlets