Your Actual Resume

You can lose yourself in the job search. After the umpteeth delicately-tweaked cover letter, painstakingly curated resume and well-written introductory email, you begin to feel like you're faking it.

So I created the resume for who I actually am. Here we go:


SELECTED EXPERIENCE

MahEars, Philadelphia, PA
Music Curator and Sonic Aesthetician 1989 - Present
  • Develop classic rock, sixties girl groups and sundry genres into bizarre yet pleasing playlists
  • Retain a disturbing amount of recording trivia and factoids gained from late-night Wikipedia rabbit trails
  • Alienate coworkers and friends with anachronistic song lyric quotes
  • Disturb fellow commuters on the Schuylkill Expressway with morning drive-dancing

MahBrain, Philadelphia, PA
Smartass in Residence 1986 -  Present
  • Create charmingly/alarmingly specific to-do lists and goals
  • Actively collect strange facts to develop obscure jokes and stories
  • Despises the patriarchy, injustice, inefficiency and ferrets
  • Chief aficionado of tasty food and random Philadelphia/New Jersey restaurants
  • Paint word pictures with thoughts and feelings (all of them)
  • Love with every fiber of existence; prize steadfastness

SKILLS
Dancing with cats
GIF emotion translation
Rapid-fire texting
Handwritten correspondence/cursive
Greeting card selection
Ephemera research
Hugging babies
Self-deprecating humor
Crunchy exterior, nougat center

How would your resume look?

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